


The Hangover

by JenTheSweetie



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Drunkenness, M/M, first time(?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 06:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenTheSweetie/pseuds/JenTheSweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Bones,” Jim said.  “Why are we in bed?  And are you also naked?” </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“I’m not naked.  Are you naked?”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“Pretty sure.”  He lifted the comforter and peeked below it.  “Yep.  And for the record, so are you.”  </i>
</p>
<p>Jim and Bones wake up together after a night on Risa.  Jim tries to piece together what happened.  Bones really just wants to go back to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hangover

Jim woke up when a foot kicked him.  In his face.

 

“Ow.”  He opened his eyes and closed them again.  “I said ow.”

 

“Mrrrpf,” said the foot.  “Shuddup.”

 

Jim knew that voice, but it usually came from a person and not a foot.  “Bones?”  There was no answer.  He reached out and poked the foot experimentally.

 

“Jesus Christ almighty do not fucking touch me,” came the much-too-loud response.  Jim winced in the bright Risan sunlight streaming in through the open window.  His head ached.  His mouth tasted like cotton and Andorian ale.  A foot was speaking to him in Bones’s voice.  This was not a good way to start the day.

 

“Bones,” Jim said.  “I’m so hungover.”  He wriggled in the bed – okay, he was in a bed, so that’s a good sign – until his own foot connected with something hard.

 

“ _Fuck_.  I am going to throw up on you if you kick me again.  I might do it anyway.”  Okay, so it wasn’t a foot speaking in Bones’s voice, it was Bones’s head speaking in Bones’s voice from the foot of the bed.  Or maybe it was the head of the bed?  There was no way to tell.

 

“Bones,” Jim said.  “Why are we in bed?  And are you also naked?”

 

“I’m not naked.  Are you naked?”

 

“Pretty sure.”  He lifted the comforter and peeked below it.  “Yep.  And for the record, so are you.”  For once, he was glad to be hungover as shit. If he felt even the tiniest bit less like his brain was trying to claw its way out of his skull, one aspect of his nakedness would be making itself extremely known right about now.  He replaced the comforter over them.  “Is it possible to die from being too hungover?”

 

“No,” Bones said.  “If it was, I would be experiencing it right now.  Jesus, Jim.  What the hell happened last night?”

 

“Well,” Jim said, “I remember ordering three days shore leave for all senior staff, mandatory.  I remember checking into that bomb-ass hotel with the sweet waterfall pool, which is hopefully where we are right now.  I remember Scotty ordering a round or two or seven of Andorian Car Bombs.  I know Uhura slapped me after I composed an ode to her ass, which is really unfair because I am amazing at odes.  Then there’s this part where you danced on a table.”

 

“I did not.  You made that up.”

 

“Nope.  Definitely happened.  I don’t even know if there was music?  But I’m definitely seeing you, on a table, dancing.  I didn’t know you could move your hips like that.  It’s actually really impressive now that I think about it.  Do they teach dance in medical school?”

 

“For the love of all that is good and holy stop talking.  I take it back about wanting to know what happened last night.  I never want to talk about it again.”

 

“Hey, so, Bones?”  Jim cleared his throat, staring at Bones’s big toe.  “Did we have sex last night?”

 

“No.”

 

“Oh.  You sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Really?  Because if you don’t remember the dancing, how would you remember if we’d – ”

 

“I would remember fucking my best friend, thank you very much.”

 

“Right.  But then again, we’re naked, and in bed, together.  So, like, as much as I also like to think I would remember that, deductive reasoning suggests that we had sex, or at the very least tried to have sex.”

 

“This conversation is not happening,” Bones muttered, burying his head under a pillow.

 

“Okay,” Jim said.  “Can we have a conversation about food, then?  I’m hungover but I’m also starving.  I feel like I could eat at least a whole pig’s worth of bacon.”

 

“Now I’m definitely going to throw up.”

 

-

 

Two hydration hyposprays later, they found Sulu and Chekov eating breakfast by the pool.

 

“Morning,” Jim said cheerfully, plopping down next to Sulu and grabbing a piece of unidentifiable fruit from the large plate in the middle of the table.  “Do you two feel as much like shit as I do?”

 

“I think I died last night,” Sulu said.

 

“Unghh,” Chekov contributed, his head resting on his arms.  Bones took the opportunity to hypospray him.

 

“Give it a few minutes and you’ll feel borderline human again,” Bones said.

 

“Chekov, I thought you were Russian!  Haven’t you been drinking since you were a small child?”  Jim began piling his plate with various meat products, while Sulu watched, looking a little green.

 

“Andorian car bombs,” Chekov said from beneath his curls, “are not vodka.  Zey are devil’s drink.”

 

“How much do you two remember from last night?” Jim asked.  “I’ve got this great image in my head of Dr. McCoy up on a table, but nothing to go along with it.”

 

“Oh, I remember that,” Sulu said.  “That was after we got to the night club.”

 

“We went to a night club?”  This was news to Jim.

 

“Yeah, Spock thought it would be a good idea to leave the first place after Pavel knocked over a whole bottle of Saurian brandy on his way back from the bar.  Uhura wanted to go dancing at some zero-g club but McCoy, you said you’d throw up if we went anywhere with less than Earth-level gravity.”

 

“Now _that_ sounds like something I’d do.  But the dancing does not.”

 

“Oh, you were wery wery into it, Dr. McCoy,” Chekov said, starting to look a little more awake after the hypo.

 

“They were playing some kind of electronic music, but it sounded a lot like salsa,” Sulu added.  “You and Pavel got up on the table, dancing with Uhura.  At the same time.”

 

“Bet Spock loved that,” Jim said.  “I never knew you had Latin hips, Bones.  What happened after the dancing?”

 

“I have no idea,” Chekov said, shaking his head.

 

“I do,” Sulu said.  “Pavel fell off the table and I took him back to the hotel.”

 

“And we stayed out?” Jim gestured to Bones and himself.

 

“As far as I know,” Sulu said.  “When I left Spock was still trying to get you and Uhura to come down off the table.”  Jim reflected that Sulu’s commentary, while unhelpful in piecing together the part of the night where he and Bones probably-okay-almost-definitely fucked, had at least been totally hilarious.

 

“Where was I during this?” Jim asked.

 

“You were tucking credits into their waistbands.”

 

“Naturally,” Jim said.

 

“We are never talking about this again,” Bones muttered.

 

-

 

“Enter.”

 

Jim walked into Spock and Uhura’s room.  He wasn’t surprised to see Spock sitting peacefully on the chaise near the window, looking like he didn’t have a care in the universe.

 

“Captain,” Spock said.  “How are you feeling this morning?”

 

“Wonderful,” Jim said.  “No, actually, terrible.  I’m still not entirely sure if I’m alive or not and I can’t remember anything that happened after 2200 hours.  But how’s the saying go - _if you remember what happened on Risa, you didn’t do Risa right._  Something like that, right?  Whatever.  So I guess that means we all had fun.”

 

“I am not sure that ‘fun’ is the appropriate descriptor for the night,” Spock said.

 

“Did anybody puke on you?  If not, you had fun.  If so, you probably still had fun, but with clean-up afterwards.”

 

Spock stared at him.

 

“Anyway,” Jim said, because this line of conversation was going nowhere, “I hear Bones and Uhura table danced last night.  Are you _so_ jealous?”

 

“I do not believe it is necessary to be jealous of Dr. McCoy, as it is unlikely that Nyota is considering ending our relationship to begin a new one with him based on a single dance in a public venue.”

 

“You never know.”  Jim sprawled on the couch across from Spock.  “So after the part where I stopped remembering, did anything interesting happen last night?”

 

“The senior officers of the Enterprise became extremely intoxicated and all behaved in an unprofessional fashion.  If we had been on duty or, indeed, anywhere near the Enterprise, I would have been forced to relieve you of command due to incapacitation.  I believe that qualifies as _interesting_.”

 

Jim had to give him that one.  “Let me clarify.  Did you observe anything unusual going on with me and Dr. McCoy?”

 

“Unusual?  I cannot say,” Spock said.  “You both behaved uncharacteristically last night, presumably due to the high alcohol content of the drinks you consumed.”

 

Jim sighed.

 

“Was that not the answer you were looking for, Captain?”

 

“Not exactly.  Did we all come back to the hotel together?”

 

If Spock had an embarrassed look in his limited arsenal, he was wearing it now.  “After she finished dancing, Nyota decided that we should leave the club.  Immediately.”

 

Jim grinned.  “Had something else on her mind, huh?”

 

Spock ignored him.  “You, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Scott remained at the club, and Mr. Scott assured me he would be able to bring you home at the end of the night.”

 

“Great,” Jim said, jumping up off the couch and heading for the door.  “Thanks so much, Spock.”

 

“Has this information been helpful, Captain?”

 

“I’ll let you know later,” Jim said with a wink.

 

“I think I would prefer if you did not,” Spock said.

 

-

 

“I need to find Scotty,” Jim said.

 

Bones was shirtless, lying facedown on pool chair under a tree with a fruity looking drink on the ground next to him.  Jim took a moment to reflect on the fact that he was in paradise, and Bones was not wearing a shirt, and this could be funin more than a few ways.  If Bones wasn’t being so difficult.  He shook his head, trying to ignore the way the sun was already causing extra freckles to pop up on Bones’s back, and refocused on completing his mission to Convince Bones That They Had Sex And It Was Awesome And Should Happen Again.

 

“I’m trying to sleep,” Bones said to the ground beneath his chair.  “Leave me alone.”

 

Jim ignored him.  “You haven’t seen him?”

 

“No.  But if you see him, tell him I said _I hate you_.  He’s the one who damn near poisoned us with all those Andorian death cocktails.  I’ve got a few words to say to him about blood alcohol content and reckless negligence.  Shouldn’t he be down here suffering with the rest of us?”

 

“He’s probably off space diving or swimming with dolphins or something equally awesome.  He doesn’t get hangovers.”  Jim pulled the nearest pool chair up next to Bones’s and laid down.

 

“Figures.  What do you need him for, anyway?”

 

“He was the last one out with us, according to Spock.  And he was probably the most coherent.  I am on a mission to figure out what happened last night.  Don’t you want to know?”

 

“No,” Bones said.  “I don’t.  And while we’re on the topic, is this _never talking about it again_?”

 

“Never talking about what?”

 

Jim squinted into the bright light of one of Risa’s suns.  “Scotty!  Just the man I was looking for!”

 

“What d’yeh need, Captain?”

 

“How much do you remember of last night?”

 

Scotty chuckled.  “Pretty sure I remember everything, sir.  Probably a few things Dr. McCoy here would prefer I didn’t.”

 

“If this is about the dancing, I’ve already heard about it and denied it,” Bones said grumpily.

 

“Do you remember anything else Dr. McCoy did last night that was – out of character?” Jim asked.

 

“Jim,” Bones said warningly.  “Don’t.”

 

Jim rolled his eyes.  “I just want to talk to Scotty about how everyone got home safely last night.  It’s my captainly duty.”  He leveraged himself up off his back and looked down at Bones, who had not moved from his facedown position.  “Scotty, walk with me.  Let’s talk.”

 

-

 

“I have good news.”

 

Bones jerked dramatically on the bed as the door to his hotel room whooshed shut behind Jim.

 

“How did you get in?  Go away.”

 

“It definitely happened.”

 

“I’m sleeping and I don’t know or care what you’re talking about,” Bones said into his pillow.

 

“You’re not sleeping, you’re talking,” Jim pointed out reasonably.  “I have confirmation.”

 

Bones turned his head to face him, looking ruffled and grumpy and definitely _not_ adorable.  “Of what?”

 

“That we slept together last night.  In more than one way.”  Jim stood next the bed, bouncing from one foot to the other.

 

Bones dropped his face back to the pillow, apparently uninterested.  “Uh huh.  From who?”

 

“Scotty.”

 

“Right.  So Scotty watched us have sex?”

 

“Not… exactly.”

 

“So he saw us doing something that _led_ to sex?”

 

“Um.  Maybe.”

 

Bones glared at him with his one open eye.  “What did he say?”

 

“Well, apparently I fell down, like, five times on the way back to the hotel, so I was kind of leaning on you.”

 

“Yeah, that definitely sounds like a prelude to sex.  If by sex you mean medical care for your clumsy ass.”

 

“And we got off the lift together.”

 

Bones waved his hand in the direction of the hallway.  “Your room is on this floor.   Anything else?”

 

“Yeah, this morning I woke up in your room and I was in bed with you and we were naked!” Jim said, exasperated.  “On what level is that not enough proof?”

 

Bones shrugged.  “Maybe you were too drunk to get back to your room so I let you sleep here.  I’m one hundred percent sure you like sleeping naked, because you’re just _like that_ , and maybe I forgot my pajamas up on the ship.  Who knows?  Plenty of explanations.”

 

Jim pouted.  This was not going as planned.  In his plan, Bones was supposed to be totally convinced by all of this airtight, highly scientific evidence, and then he was supposed to be naked, and there was not supposed to be so much talking in between.

 

“Okay.  So.  Do you want to have sex _now_ , then?”

 

Bones rolled his eyes and pushed himself up and out of bed, apparently realizing that napping when Jim Kirk wanted you to be awake was never going to happen.  “No.  And I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you proposition me until you get your way.  You’re a goddamn starship captain, Jim, not a little kid asking for a cookie before dinner.”  His clothes were rumpled and his bangs were sticking straight up and Jim had to clench his own fists to stop himself from reaching up to flatten them.

 

“Bones, chill out, we’ve done it before.”

 

“Wha – no, we haven’t!”

 

“You say that, but that whole thing I mentioned earlier where we woke up naked together this morning is kind of getting in the way of me believing you.”

 

“Jim.  I’m going to say it one more time, and that’s going to be the end of this conversation forever.  We did _not_ have sex last night.”

 

“Um, we totally did.”

 

“We did not.”

 

“Did too.”

 

“ _Dammit_ , Jim,” Bones growled.  “I can assure you that we most definitely did not.  Not everybody walks around wanting to fuck you at every moment, you know.”

 

Jim took a step toward him, and Bones’s back went ramrod straight.  “Why are you _so_ sure we didn’t sleep together last night?” Jim asked.  “I mean like, if it weirds you out or something, that’s okay.  If you don’t want to do it again, if you want to go back to just friends and actually never talk about it again, that’s okay too, I can handle that.  But it seems really obvious to me that it happened and ignoring it isn’t going to make it not have happened.”

 

“It didn’t happen because I wouldn’t have let it happen!” Bones said angrily, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Because – because,” Bones spluttered uncharacteristically, “because I swore to myself that I would never let it happen when we were drunk, because the _last fucking thing_ I want to be is just another notch on Jim Kirk’s bed post of drunken debauchery.  If we were gonna fuck, we were gonna do it because we’d finally pulled our heads out of our asses and grown the fuck up and done it on purpose.”

 

Jim stared at him.  And then – try as he might to prevent it – he started laughing.

 

“You’re an asshole,” Bones said, his face flushing.

 

“No,” Jim said, laughing too hard to finish his sentence.  “Well, yes.  But Bones – just – you don’t – ”

 

“You’re a complete asshole, you know that, Jim?” Bones said, all scowly and red-faced and it just made Jim laugh even more.  “I try to say one serious thing to you in our whole goddamn lives and all you can do is laugh.”

 

“Bones,” Jim gasped.  “You’re gonna love this.  You’re gonna laugh, I promise.  I’ve spent the past, I don’t know, _three years_ trying to get you drunk enough to tell you I want to throw out this whole ‘just friends’ thing and start sleeping together, like, immediately.  And this whole time – you’ve been dead set – on never sleeping with me while we’re drunk.  Don’t you see why this is funny?”

 

Bones stared at him blankly.

 

“Bones?  It’s super funny, right?”

 

Bones took a step toward him, looking murderous, and for a minute Jim thought he was going to hit him.

 

But then instead of his fist, Bones hit him – hard – with his mouth.

 

“Ow.”  It wasn’t really a kiss – at least Jim hoped it wasn’t because if it was, it was fucking terrible and he always imagined Bones would be a great kisser so that would be kind of a let down after years of building it up in his head – and it knocked them a little off balance, so he grabbed onto Bones’s arms to stop himself from falling over backwards.  He looked up and saw Bones glaring at him.  “Did you just punch me with your face?”

 

“I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to hit you or kiss you,” Bones said mutinously.

 

“So you did both?”

 

“Oh shut up,” Bones said, wrenching him upright.  This time he was more gentle, and Jim was ready, and their lips connected with a lot less force and it was _way_ better, and it was also _Bones_.  Jim was so relieved that Bones was a good kisser and also apparently was not going to hit him that he clung to Bones’s arms and pushed him backwards in the general direction of the bed.

 

He was excited and terrified and hungover and turned on all at once, and when he felt the back of Bones’s legs run up against the bed, he grinned and gave Bones a sharp push.  Bones flailed uselessly as he toppled over backwards, and Jim landed on him with a soft grunt.

 

“You’re crushing me,” Bones grumbled around his lips, and Jim ignored him and focused on working his hands down Bones’s side and under his tunic.  He felt goosebumps pop up under his fingers as he slipped his thumbs into the waistband of Bones’s loose-fitting sleep pants.

 

“I knew you didn’t forget your pajamas on the Enterprise,” Jim said triumphantly, pulling the elastic waistband away from Bones’s waist and then letting it snap back to his skin.

 

“Small victories,” Bones said, threading one hand through Jim’s hair and pulling him down for another bruising kiss.

 

“Can we have sex _now_?” Jim asked.

 

“If you’ll admit it’s gonna be the first time,” Bones said, pulling back and raising his eyebrows.

 

“But it’s _not_ – ”

 

“Yes, it is,” Bones said firmly.

 

“No, it’s – “

 

The words died in Jim’s throat as Bones slipped his hand into his pants.

 

“I no longer care about this argument,” Jim gasped.

 

“That’s what I thought,” Bones said.

  
  



End file.
